I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
did you just send me my own nude
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
