Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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