he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
