my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
