Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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