Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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