This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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