All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
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I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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