i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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