You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize