Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
