the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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