I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
