I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
