Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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