I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
