tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
