i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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