Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
