M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
