you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
