READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
