Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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