The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
