I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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