dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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