Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
