I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
