I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you didnt know i had herpes?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
