Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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