I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
