Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
