oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
