first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
