i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
