If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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