DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
