I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
