He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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