Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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