doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
