And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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