don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
