I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
