well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
