At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
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I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize