Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
