So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The power of my boobs compel you
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
