Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
