whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
