Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
