I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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