I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
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It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
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I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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