Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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