You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
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So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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