He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
