we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
