I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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