life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
