Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
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Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Omg I joined a choir last night...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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