I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
