He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
