Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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