I will die if light touches me.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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